What if the answer really is as simple as slowing down. What if we allowed the world to be for a while, allow it to prove that it will keep spinning without our interference, and take a little breather when we need a break. What if we embraced we do not have to be a part of everything and find comfort in knowing our presence is not momentous all the time. What if we prioritized our own well being. What if we loved ourselves enough to say no when we need to, without having to be understood.
Slowing down has made a world of difference for me. It has brought me so much joy, energy and ironically - time. I am present, able to unapologetically enjoy what it is I am doing and go as I please. When I please. I feel like I get much more done and that what I dedicate my time to actually leads me to where I need to go. Life has become purposeful.
No more running blind. No more being dragged along by the current. No longer getting hijacked by fear of the unknown.
I have a faint memory of what it used to be like. Always running, having this obsessive need to be productive every single second of every day, trying to squeeze everything from every moment, guided by a certainty that was what life was all about. It left me completely depleted, rushed and miserable. Empty, exhausted and unhappy.
I was taught you get one chance in life. If you were lucky enough for somebody to notice you and offer you something, you should better take it because otherwise you will miss out. I wish somebody had taught me to believe in myself, and to trust I was able to say no when something did not align with me or the timing was off. I wish somebody had taught me I could take up space. I wish somebody had taught me I was enough and people are allowed to walk away when they do not like what I have to offer. I wish somebody had taught me that if it takes that much hard work, perhaps it is not for you. I wish somebody had taught me I could let go and trust that what is meant for me will find me.
I guess this is me, talking to my twenty-year-old self. Teaching her now, telling her it is okay. It will all work out.
You will get where you need to be.
Slow down.